Yaw people, I'm back from the expedition and I've got so much to say.

It's Monday, 23rd March 2009 and I skipped school today cause my tummy cramped like nobody's business. Anyway... Went to meet James in the afternoon, talked and laughed till my cramp worsened but it's okay, I had a great time.
Met NBF (Albert!) up on Saturday and we went to Jurong Point to hve LJS's while we saw Justin and gang there at the same time. Went shopping and finally I bought the pair of heel boots (is that what you call it?) that I've been looking for. Didn't buy the PVC material although it's nicer but it made my foot hurt like damn so I bought the leather one. I just logged on to Yuko's blog to find out that her pair was gorgeous but I must be self-contented! *My pair of heels is just as great and what's most importantly, it's comfortable.* Lol. Anyway my mom doesn't know I bought that pair of heels. I'm officially broke and I'm still wondering when I can really wear that pair of heels...



Alright, Malaysia was fun! Until the last day which was ruined by some people... I'm sorry if you feel offended but I'm seriously sick and tired of hving to choose my words so carefully all the time just so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings. Yet when I'm being so sensitive and considerate about how you guys feel, none of you bothered about how I feel.

On the last day we went to Malacca and after lunch I got off the bus to experience that fucking motion sickness. Told a couple of you girls yet none of you seemed to listen. And moments later, dear Emily came up and hooked my hand, wanting to take a picture together. I shoved off your hand and told you that I'm hving motion sickness, and added on telling you that I've told you about it moments ago, just that you weren't paying attention to what I was saying. You walked away sulking. I'm sorry if I had been rude but I'm just really pissed off that nobody actually listens to what I say. Or do I need me to scream and shout and make a din like a juvenile with no basic manners just to capture the precious attention of all of you? Wow, seems like it.
The five of you girls just walked all the way in front, with only Syafiqah stopping once to ask if I'm fine. Sorry Sya, if I had been rude. You girls just walked out of sight, far in front, while I was lagging behind. And upon reaching the meeting point, when the tour guide finished giving out the instructions, you girls just rushed all the way to the mall, brushing pass me as if I was invisible. I didn't even manage to open my mouth to call out to you girls before I realized that you girls were gone. I looked around, the boys were dispersing as well. And shortly after I knocked myself out of the daze and found out that I was standing alone in the middle of the corridor.
I paced up and down outside the shop you girls went. Yes, I started to cry. Went up to YaoYi and gang trying my luck to see if they knew where Tridia was, only to see the male guide coming my way and asked, "Why are you crying?"
I went to the washroom, hid myself inside the cubicle to prevent my hideous face from revealing, and thank God, when I came out I saw Kohser, Meifen and Zikun. Seeing them was something so jovial; imagine seeing someone you know after walking around a totally unfamiliar ground for some time. They comforted me, and I followed them for the next 2hours, alongside the boys from 4E1. I was glad they didn't complain about my presence and in fact, they were really... friendly. I don't even know some of them well yet they came up to talk to me. Thank you very much you guys, Justin, Desmond and gang...

You girls might think that I'm just being whiny, trying to gain sympathy and all that. I don't care. Because in a mere few hours, I know I've lost 5 friends whom I used to cherish, whom I used to love hanging around with. It might not matter much to you, but it meant a whole world to me. "You're just being sensitive," you may say. But I very well know that I'm not.
The five of you just proved to me what friendship was, how fragile, how unimportant, how insignificant it was. I couldn't thank you enough. Ha.
Disappointment once again, but it's fine. I'm used to it. Afterall, what are friends to me? I thought I knew, yet I would hve to start from scratch now, again.

Friends, friends, friends... Haha, what a joke.

I told Sharvin on the bus home about this, and I started to tear again. He is a great guy, for I've never really seen him so seriously comforting someone before... This time it was me whom he had to trouble himself with. Nonetheless, thank you Sharvin.



I talked to NBF about this and he told me that, I've just not found the right one. The right female bestie, he meant. And he realized that I hve many male besties as well... Hmm, perhaps, for as a matter of fact I've found out many of my really good friends are all male. I'm aware that I hit off much better with guys since primary school, and I was being labelled a bitch, a slut, a flirt, for that.
But it's just part of my character, sometimes I ponder why is that so too. All I know is that I don't hve to be apolegetic to any girl out there, unlike me in my younger days, when I was so afraid to be labelled as one of those unpleasant female groups. If there are still girls who think this way then I suppose she's intellectually challenged, sadly still, at this age...




OK! Enough of the emo talk. I've finally got this piece of shit out of my mind and I'm feeling good. :D

The first day of activity at the campsite was fucking fun I'll remember it for life! We had whitewater rafting and 6 per raft. Including the instructor and I, there were Sya, Yihan, Justin Liang, and Sharvin. Shar and Yihan was in front, then Justin and I, and lastly Sya and Kapa (instructor) at the back. It was really an extraordinary experience, with the tides and all... And not forgetting I was the first one to hve to 'swim' down the current. That was seriously scary and I thought I was gonna drown... Anyway, we really had lotsa fun and Shar kept losing his peddle and falling off the raft and blah blah blah. There was this part where the waters were calm and Kapa wanted us to put down our peddles, sit on the edge on the raft, raise up our hands, close our eyes and think about the journey... PLUSH! Everyone went down into the water, and obviously he pushed us. Haha! It was so much fun... Oh, and we emerged first and while rafting to the finishing point Yihan suggested, instead of "1,2,1,2!" while peddling, we shouted "MAKAN, MAKAN!" and the most fun part was, we shouted in unison, "CHAMPIONS, CHAMPIONS!". We got really high and Kapa was laughing along with us. :D And I still remember Junwei and his raft were peddling behind us, chanting "CHIONG AH, CHIONG AH!" It was just hilarious... I mean, the whole thing, it was fun, pure fun! I really wna do it again, alongside Yihan, JustinL, Shar, Sya and Kapa. It'll be great, and I won't mind doing it again and again and again...

Alright I'll continue next time, my brother is back. Long waited! :D
Ciao.

I would like to apologise to my brother, for hving misunderstood him all these while.
He wasn't badmouthing me on his blog, neither was he saying how irritated he was by me.
All those things he posted, instead, touched me and I feel so utterly guilty for hving posted those hurting words.
He wrote some of the things I'd never imagined him to.
There sounded so unlike the way he usually is.
Nonetheless, this case had brought us closer, I hope he feels so too. :)



I'll be away to Perak, Malaysia for the Sec 4 Expedition, from the 16th to 19th of March.
See you guys after then. :)

I wanted to sit by my bro and accompany him while he was doing his homework online, only to hve him hastefully close a MSN conversation window. What was he hiding, I don't know. And I'm sick and tired trying to find out.

Enough of all these emo talk? I hope so too.

Thanks Serli, Sharvin, Mario and all those who expressed their concerns for me regarding my last post. I know it was rather depressed, but all those tags left behind meant alot. And I didn't expect Mario to read my blog and asked, "Why so emo?"
They may not mean much to you, but it means otherwise to me. Thank you all, I really appreciate it. :)

Well, not all are encouraging... Still, now and then I found disappointment towering over me, from both friends and myself. Empty promises, talk but no action, lack of responsibility, and now you're speaking to me as if you know the whole situation. Yes, I do hve opinions on some of the people around me, how they work and stuff, but they all happen for a reason. As I said, there's a limit to everyone's tolerance, and you never know, you might hve just hit the roof. Learning to tolerate is not easy. As you grow up you're bound to meet people of all sorts, from kind souls to some of the most fucked-up people. Only then you're trained. But I suppose we're on par in terms of level of patience, so I don't think I hve a problem. Not everyone has the same 'cares', for different things weigh differently to you. You might think this friendship thing doesn't bother you a single bit, but it's of such hindrance to me. Hope you understand, and I think it's really no use trying to tell you to wake up and study anymore. If it was of use, you would hve done so long ago after all those advice from the people around you.
And I don't see why you're lecturing me, when, as a matter of fact, I don't need it.

***

Alright, end the grousing. Went to Singapore Flyer and Jurong Hill yesterday (5/3/09) for field trip with my class. Honestly it was the first time I had so much fun with my classmates... Oh well, I believe there are more times to come. :) The Flyer would be really boring if it wasn't for them. We actually suggested to jump while taking a group photo on the capsule (which was then hanging in midair). Obviously we didn't, if not we would hve hit the news headlines for the latest school-Flyer tragedy.

And Jurong Hill was... quite boring actually, except watching in amusement how Yihan and Justin chased each other down the slope, LOL.

Photos are not in order, sorry

Herwen and Jooping

Yongli!!


We both agreed that shadows are sexier. Heh :D



Tay Meow Meow

Group T1!

YY, Jus, Shar & CEO

Her head kana compressed lol. Szekim

Look at all the jokers behind

"Omg, I'm gonna faint~!" LOL Junjie :D

Ivan, don't deny the presence of my camera

Shawn + Mrs Chia + Partner

Who else?

Ahlili!

Ha jiao bin :D

Camera war with Suizheng, he act shy only :D

INTEGRATED RESORT!!!

Capsule A2

Love this

My husband

The one to his right is the mistress

See, another mistress. LOL

Ciao!

For some reason I've came to understand myself more these days and do some self evaluation.



I realized I cannot stand many character traits of some of the people around me.
I found out that I actually detest some of the people around me.
I finally see who's worthy of a soul mate, and who's just fooling around.
It was a wake up call, I guess.


I've just found out that my brother owns a blog, and he's not telling me about it.
I asked, "Hve you been blogging about me?"
And he said yes.



He's definitely refusing to let me know about it.



We once shared a complicated relationship, even I don't know how to explain it.

He used to occupy this place in my heart for being so nice,
but now he's just nothing but a stepbrother.
With no feelings attached, just a dry and withered relationship.

Perhaps I wouldn't wna read what he blogged about at all,
it might just inflict more unwanted, useless pain.



Sometimes I think I hve a lot of friends,
but now I realized all are but Hi-Bye friends.
I don't even know what's this churning feeling I'm feeling inside,
this revolting, uninvited sense of being so unwanted around people.

And my brother just intensified this awful sensation.
Haha.
Thanks.


Where's a listening ear when you need one?
Nowhere.

I'm sick of everything.
Just so tired.
What's wrong with myself?
I dunno, I wish to comprehend as well.

It's like, this urge to shed your accumulated tears,
yet you feel as if they were saved to gain sympathy.
You don't want others to feel that way,
yet as you put yourself in another's perspective,
you'll be so terribly disgusted by your own actions and think to yourself, "What the fuck was I doing?"

Spill it out, you may say.
But to whom?
I don't hve Father Jesus, like many of my friends do.
I don't hve someone to guide me along as I walk down this long aisle of every part and parcel of life.
I don't hve someone that comes out of nowhere and rescues me from this damned, forsaken situation.

I don't expect to be saved, for this is a personal problem.
All I want is a soul mate,
someone who listens when I speak.
That's all.
That's really all I've yearned for.