For some reason I've came to understand myself more these days and do some self evaluation.



I realized I cannot stand many character traits of some of the people around me.
I found out that I actually detest some of the people around me.
I finally see who's worthy of a soul mate, and who's just fooling around.
It was a wake up call, I guess.


I've just found out that my brother owns a blog, and he's not telling me about it.
I asked, "Hve you been blogging about me?"
And he said yes.



He's definitely refusing to let me know about it.



We once shared a complicated relationship, even I don't know how to explain it.

He used to occupy this place in my heart for being so nice,
but now he's just nothing but a stepbrother.
With no feelings attached, just a dry and withered relationship.

Perhaps I wouldn't wna read what he blogged about at all,
it might just inflict more unwanted, useless pain.



Sometimes I think I hve a lot of friends,
but now I realized all are but Hi-Bye friends.
I don't even know what's this churning feeling I'm feeling inside,
this revolting, uninvited sense of being so unwanted around people.

And my brother just intensified this awful sensation.
Haha.
Thanks.


Where's a listening ear when you need one?
Nowhere.

I'm sick of everything.
Just so tired.
What's wrong with myself?
I dunno, I wish to comprehend as well.

It's like, this urge to shed your accumulated tears,
yet you feel as if they were saved to gain sympathy.
You don't want others to feel that way,
yet as you put yourself in another's perspective,
you'll be so terribly disgusted by your own actions and think to yourself, "What the fuck was I doing?"

Spill it out, you may say.
But to whom?
I don't hve Father Jesus, like many of my friends do.
I don't hve someone to guide me along as I walk down this long aisle of every part and parcel of life.
I don't hve someone that comes out of nowhere and rescues me from this damned, forsaken situation.

I don't expect to be saved, for this is a personal problem.
All I want is a soul mate,
someone who listens when I speak.
That's all.
That's really all I've yearned for.