I was supposed to be spending Christmas with my teammates at wzx's house tonight. But I left early as my mom said I should be spending Christmas with my family. Alright, I listened to her and made my way home before dinner even started at wzx's place.
It was raining, and wzx commented that it felt really like Christmas as the coldness in the rain had added much Christmas atmosphere into the air.

How I hope I was right there with them now.

Having fun, screaming in joy, and most importantly to be able to spend a meaningful day with people I love.
I reached home, hoping to see a heartwarming scene where the whole family would be crowded in the living room, watching TV together, and a widespread of food would be laid on the dinner table.
Yet I reached home, opened the door only to see that lone man watching TV, my mom walking around, and the three brothers hving their eyes glued to the computer screens. I admit, I didn't expect to see this. What happened? What happened to 'family'? This ain't no gathering. This is nothing but an ordinary day only with a few additional dishes and presents. I don't need these. I don't need these stuff. I want company, but who's to give?
I hve no freedom. I hve no night life, and needless to say those countdowns. I dream about them, that's all. My mom controls me. Fine, I can understand that. You claimed that I should spend the Christmas with my family.

Yes, I came home.
To you.
To an empty shell.
To nothing but a shelter over my head and a place to sleep.



Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself.
This Christmas, I should have been with my teammates.
Laughing along, watching them enjoy, hving fun.
Yet I'm here blogging away,
alone in the living room,
with everyone minding their own businesses.
Who am I to bother them just to keep me company?

Mother, you have him.
And the three brothers have each other.
And who am I to have?
All I hve now are my friends
And I am not able to spend this special night with them because of your word, 'family'.


I came back for you.
For the five of you.
But now it seems like I've came all the way back from Clementi, from the comfort of my friends, out of my comfort zone, and back to this shelter.
This place where no one bothers.
Where feelings are only to be kept to yourself because no one understands and no one will ever be keen to.
Where emotions have to be faked and portrayed like a dramafest,
where my brothers are in their comfort zone while I'm miles away from it,
where tears shed as if they were just to gain sympathy,
where I only have myself to complain to, to entertain, to keep giving myself excuses that this is just another hard time I'm going through.

I'm just so disappointed.


James was keeping me company all these while,
even though he's in Orchard enjoying himself now.
Starhub screwed up and smses kept getting intercepted and my replies can't get to him.
But I'm grateful.
At least someone bothers.

Not even my stepbrother gave a damn.


I only have to endure this night.
A tormenting one.
I've been waiting for Wenny's video call but I guess it ain't coming anymore.
I just hope they enjoyed themselves.

And...

Thanks James.

You're a great person.