Time again I've been trying to resist the urge to blog about my mother
now I'm here, gonna be blog about her and I'm not gonna blame myself but blame her for pushing my limits way off.

I've endured your countless naggings for the past few days, especially during this period when we're moving out of the house. Yes, you have alot to pack, you're troubled, you're frustrated and pissed off but think again bitch,
You're the one who brought this upon yourself
You're the one who signed the contract
You're the one who wna earn money through properties

So don't fucking blame anybody.


You kept questioning me if I'm telling the truth when I told you I'm going to school/out for schoolwork purposes. "Really uh? Really uh?" You repeated that for so many times. And you claimed, "Mommy trust you so much, you cannot lie to mommy ok?"
HAHAHA what a joke.
You think I don't hope that I can openly tell you who I'm going out with? This holiday had been such a fucking loathesome one. I don't even dare to tell you that I'm going out in fear you'll flare up. I don't know why I'm still bothering about how you feel. But now I don't care whether I'm telling you the truth or not.
You don't respect me, so why should I respect you?
I don't seem to be able to talk to you properly now, everything I want to say I have to think before speaking.
What kind of mother-daughter relationship is this when you even hve to think twice before speaking?

You say I musn't lie to you just because you trust me alot.
Alot?
You should ask yourself if that's a fact or not.

I grew up lying to you
And I wouldn't hesitate to continue.
Because the truth would stir up so much fuss,
I would rather shut them up.
I've had enough of your PMSes, your anguish, your nonsense
You always say, "I'm your mother, no matter what I'm always correct."
Please wake up la bitch
This is the 21st Century for goodness sake.
Who in the right mind would still give a fuck for this kinda reason.

So what if you're my mother?
So what if you gave me life?
I would rather not have it.

In your eyes I'm bound to fail my O Levels.
So why are you still pushing me on?
What a joke.
You're contradicting yourself, bitch.
Fail? Nvm ah
Retain la.
Isn't that what you've been predicting all along?
You think I don't wna do well?
You think I don't wna score As?
You think I don't wna get into my desired instituition/course?
You think I'm not in my right mind, don't you?
Tell you what,
you aren't either.

I love Zubaidah more than I love you,
and when you looked at her with that filthy pair of eyes of yours,
you never considered how she might have felt.
Well, that's you.
I can't deny it. That's your attitude.
Your fucked up attitude.
Who gave you the permission to look down on my friends?
Take a look at yourself,
you ain't any better.
And you might wonder why you've gave birth to a daughter so lousy like me?
It's because
Like mother like daughter.

And I love Prime more than I love you too.
So much more.
He listens, he understands, he cares.
You?
Oh forget it, what a disgrace to mention.

I love you, because you're my mother.
I don't have a choice
The bond is too deep to erase,
much as I hope I can detach myself away from you so I won't have to be affected by your hurtful words,
it's impossible.
Even people who have parents who abandoned them since birth,
who didn't even had a chance to talk to their blood parents,
they too still want to have their parents back.
Mine?
She's so near, yet so far.

You think I'm not obedient enough.
Am I?
You make me have the urge to go on a tattoo spree,
to start exploring the wonders of the fucking stinking cigar,
to have my tongue pierced,
to stay out late immersing myself in alcohol,
to have sex like a random slut and ruining myself.
Maybe the extremes work for you?
I dunno.


Now I can't wait for school to reopen, so I won't have to stay at home.
I hate this place.