For the first time in my life, I am really angry. Feel your blood boiling, yes. So angry, that I sat in front of the fan for 20 minutes, trying to extinguish that flame in me and my stepbro thought something happened. Well, something really did.

I was on my way to my T.O.D.'s house, I felt really cheerful, listening to my songs and singing along. Then she called. Okay, I assumed I would hear a familiar close voice asking where was I now, yet what I heard was a voice questioning me in a stern tone, where was I. Please note that there is a difference between asking and questioning, the tones are totally different. I said I've already reached the void deck, but I seriously dunno why she had to sound so fucking pissed off in the first place. Thanks, 'cause that pissed me off as well. She was so demanding, fine. I told her I bathed alr, I went home before coming here. I dunno if she's going deaf or what, she kept asking the same questions. Okay, I tolerate that. She's getting senile, I can understand. And as always, we had some misunderstandings through the phone. I realised what she was trying to say, so I said, "Ok ok. I am already at the void deck." However, she went on trying to defend her own saying. Like, wtf? I gave in alr, so would you please kindly shut the fuck up? Haha, so much for saying that I always talk back to her. Well, this is STILL what I get for giving in to you.

I cheered up alot after that. My stepbro offered to get me a bowl of soup (which I rejected, sorry), and then my youngest stepbro came and played PSP with me. I was lying on his shoulder while he played, then we went to check out the Nick Pitera videos on the net. Had a great time laughing. Oh, then she said it's time to go home. Alright, I'm feeling fine. At least I avoided to get into a quarrel with you. We got on the car, everything was fine... Then she started to talk about school, about going to usher at the Prom Night. She was worrying this, worrying that, complaining why did the school management chose such a remote place, criticizing the incompetence of the teacher blah blah blah... Now, for the first time (or is it?), I'm defending for the Council. Firstly, there is confirmed TWO-WAY TRANSPORT, there and back. So no matter what time, where is it, how remote the place is, I'm safe. Secondly, she said, "The place is so remote, who would ever booked there? Besides, it's a Thursday. It's impossible that other clubs have no more spaces for reservations. If I'm a Sec 4 student, I wouldn't even wna go. " HAHAHA. Come on, you're nearing 50, I don't need you comments. And have you ever organised a prom night? If not, please shut the fuck up. So I went along saying, they need usherers, it's part of the yearly procedure. And this was what she replied, "Yeah, the Council. Only know how to make use of you students. And you go there, confirm make alot new friends again. You already have alot of friends alr." I'm sorry, but I have to say this.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I NEED TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS WHEN ALL THESE SECONDARY 4 SCHOOLMATES OF MINE, I KNOW MOST OF THEM ALREADY? I AM JUST GOING THERE TO USHER AND ENJOY THEIR GRADUATING JOY, AND YOU SAY I'M GONNA MAKE NEW FRIENDS THERE AGAIN? OH COME ON, BITCH. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY. YOU THINK I'M WASTING ALL MY TIME ON MY FRIENDS, WASTING ALL MY TIME ON MSN, WASTING ALL MY TIME ON SMSING, WASTING ALL MY TIME GOING OUT, INSTEAD OF STUDYING. BUT THEY ARE MY FRIENDS, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! YOU THINK YOUR DAUGHTER IS SO FUCKING DESPERATE THAT SHE GOES AROUND MAKING NEW FRIENDS WHEREVER SHE IS? YOU THINK I DON'T STUDY. JUST BECAUSE I SCORED TWO F9s IN MY EOY EXAM, YOU SEE NO HOPE IN ME ANYMORE. YOU THINK I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. YOU CLAIM YOU WNA HELP ME. OH PLEASE! THIS IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. YOU WNA HELP ME? WHY NOT HELP YOURSELF FIRST? HAHAHA!!!

Ever since the Parents Meeting Day, I realised we couldn't communicate well anymore. She finds mistakes in everything I do. On the way back, she asked for my teacher's number. I said I don't have it, she gave that ridiculous chuck. Wtf? Then she wanted to know who's the teacher in charge of the Council. Sorry, Mr Lee. I said it was you. But yeah. I told her I'll go to school tomorrow and tell him that I'll be backing out in the ushering. And she said, "That would be best" in mandarin. Oh my God. I really really feel like punching and stoning her till she die. I wanted to scream at her. She's is ridiculous. And I can't believe she's my mother.

She is having doubts in everything I engage in now, volleyball etc. She scrutinizes me, and I detest that. Her eyes, that disgusting, hideous, revolting pair of eyes of hers. Yes, you are my mother. So what? I have to rely on you now because I don't have a choice. You are my financial support. You donned me with the clothes I'm wearing now. You gave me everything I have now. Yes, but I don't feel that so-called motherly love I used to feel (did I even?). You're just a woman, who gave me life, who gave me money, who gave me clothes. I am grateful, yes. Thank you, and this is not said sarcastically. However I'm sorry to say that I'll try, from now on, to sever all emotional ties with you, although that might not seem possible, but it'll be of much help as I don't have to feel so upset when we part. I don't feel you like my mother anymore, for your tones, your actions, your everything. They're just making me hate you more and more. You guys might think I'm just being childish and all, it's alright. People say being the only child is fortunate, I beg the differ. You also have to endure all her fucking PMSes and her anger all comes to you. Maybe it's only her, I dunno.

Sometimes, how I hope I left with Papa 11 years ago. Then you could have went to the USA, just as you always wished, free and not tied down by anything.

I thank you for bringing me up. It pains me to write all these as well, but where else could I go? You'll go crazy if I say all these to you. It'll only make you dislike me more, make you think why did you even give birth to such a useless daughter like me, ain't it?

I'm sorry for all the curses. I still do love you, as a daughter.
But all these ain't coming down to nothing.
While you think your daughter has no more future, do you think any child would like their own parent to think this way of them?

You were once my emotional support. Yeah, were once.