That bitch just saw me using MSN and said, "So all these nights you've been sleeping late it's all because of MSN?" and she give me her signature fuck face.
And the naggings went on and on and on and on and on and on...
And so did the doubts and disgusting faces she gave me, making it clear she was super suspicious about what I'm doing online...
But too bad, I locked my computer.
You can't come in.
Even if you want me to unlock it, I won't.
You think I'm an idiot like you?
Hahaha
Once bitten, twice shy.
I won't let your and your boyfriend's filthy hands touch my private information again.
So what if you're my mom?
Does that give you the right to invade my privacy?
So what if he's a whiz in computering?
I don't give a fuck as long as you stay far away from my privacy.

You make me wna grow up as fast as I can,
so I can escape from your clutches, from your control, from your nonsense.
I'm tired of blogging about you all the time,
but it's the only way I have,
because I hve nowhere else to vent my anger, and certainly you won't listen.
Please just fuck outta my life, you might not be able to take my attitude, but likewise I can't take yours.

Sorry Ma.

***

Enough of being pissed and fucked up, I'm sorry people. I'm just so angry about this terrible Christmas I had and for hving such a mother.

Spent the day with James, we went to town together. As usual I lied to my mom, I don't care. :) We trained to Orchard and settled down in Taka MOS Burger. Had so much fun talking, but Mr James gotta go to church so we trained back to Gombak. Actually we wanted to go down to Suntec but the scene in front of the MRT doors was @#$%^&*& so we just went back.
So on the train James told me about this little boy who kana disiao by him and his friends. "Eh, your brother ah?" LOL the boy pek cek till... Ha James would know better. :D

So we laughed all the way back to Gombak hehehehehehehe
Ok lame.

We found a place to sit down and I applied eye shadow for him HAHAHA

Gold and teak, macham become chiobu alr ROFL

Prettier than Eugene the other day HA :D

But too bad he don't let me post the picture and he covered half his face so... As long as I hve them. Hehehehehehe :D

We had so much fun that we forgot the time and he was late for church. OK actually I was the one who held him up because I was hving so much fun sending and cancelling the photos via Bluetooth HAHAHA

He was damn du lan one hehehehehe well that was the whole point.

And I realized today I keep saying F you hahahahahaaha :D

Oh well we took some (actually ALOT) photos together but he didn't allow me to post them up cause most of it were his FFs. :)
I shall be an angel on the last few hours of Christmas 2008 and not post them up. :)

He specially requested for this to be up.

Favourite photo of the Year! Ha :D

Thank you James, for spending Christmas with me. It was perhaps the best, for you brightened up my day with your words and actions from all these lurking, looming gloom that had surrounded me for the past night. Thank you so, so much. :)

I was supposed to be spending Christmas with my teammates at wzx's house tonight. But I left early as my mom said I should be spending Christmas with my family. Alright, I listened to her and made my way home before dinner even started at wzx's place.
It was raining, and wzx commented that it felt really like Christmas as the coldness in the rain had added much Christmas atmosphere into the air.

How I hope I was right there with them now.

Having fun, screaming in joy, and most importantly to be able to spend a meaningful day with people I love.
I reached home, hoping to see a heartwarming scene where the whole family would be crowded in the living room, watching TV together, and a widespread of food would be laid on the dinner table.
Yet I reached home, opened the door only to see that lone man watching TV, my mom walking around, and the three brothers hving their eyes glued to the computer screens. I admit, I didn't expect to see this. What happened? What happened to 'family'? This ain't no gathering. This is nothing but an ordinary day only with a few additional dishes and presents. I don't need these. I don't need these stuff. I want company, but who's to give?
I hve no freedom. I hve no night life, and needless to say those countdowns. I dream about them, that's all. My mom controls me. Fine, I can understand that. You claimed that I should spend the Christmas with my family.

Yes, I came home.
To you.
To an empty shell.
To nothing but a shelter over my head and a place to sleep.



Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself.
This Christmas, I should have been with my teammates.
Laughing along, watching them enjoy, hving fun.
Yet I'm here blogging away,
alone in the living room,
with everyone minding their own businesses.
Who am I to bother them just to keep me company?

Mother, you have him.
And the three brothers have each other.
And who am I to have?
All I hve now are my friends
And I am not able to spend this special night with them because of your word, 'family'.


I came back for you.
For the five of you.
But now it seems like I've came all the way back from Clementi, from the comfort of my friends, out of my comfort zone, and back to this shelter.
This place where no one bothers.
Where feelings are only to be kept to yourself because no one understands and no one will ever be keen to.
Where emotions have to be faked and portrayed like a dramafest,
where my brothers are in their comfort zone while I'm miles away from it,
where tears shed as if they were just to gain sympathy,
where I only have myself to complain to, to entertain, to keep giving myself excuses that this is just another hard time I'm going through.

I'm just so disappointed.


James was keeping me company all these while,
even though he's in Orchard enjoying himself now.
Starhub screwed up and smses kept getting intercepted and my replies can't get to him.
But I'm grateful.
At least someone bothers.

Not even my stepbrother gave a damn.


I only have to endure this night.
A tormenting one.
I've been waiting for Wenny's video call but I guess it ain't coming anymore.
I just hope they enjoyed themselves.

And...

Thanks James.

You're a great person.

Just had an astro camp at NP fro the 19th to 20th of Dec and it rocked :D
Okay first day was so boring, but the night activity was fun! Love it love it love it
And the games on Day 2, the night walk too!
Wooooo nbf you don't have to treat me noodles alr :D

Had training yesterday,
yeh beh made us do PT like shit again
*&^%$#@!
Okay nvm
He is a nice coach ok
He admit he is pervert LOL
"对,我就是变态!" And he smiles.
FYI he was suaning wenny HAHAHA
She say sorry also tio soured :D


Alright now I shall go back to proper english!
Hahaha some broken sentences is fun too okay :D

Spent the whole day alone today. Went to meet James (I MENTIONED YOU OK) before setting off to CCK for my hair cut. That James didn't wna accompany me because he needed to go home :(
And he just stays 2 blocks away from mine! Yay new neighbour :D


Oh yes, I've changed my blogskin and changed my song. I won't want you guys to like it cause it's my blog so it only has to please me HAHAHA :D
And the song is nice OK
Just hope Imeem don't cut my song to 30s again this time. :(

Time again I've been trying to resist the urge to blog about my mother
now I'm here, gonna be blog about her and I'm not gonna blame myself but blame her for pushing my limits way off.

I've endured your countless naggings for the past few days, especially during this period when we're moving out of the house. Yes, you have alot to pack, you're troubled, you're frustrated and pissed off but think again bitch,
You're the one who brought this upon yourself
You're the one who signed the contract
You're the one who wna earn money through properties

So don't fucking blame anybody.


You kept questioning me if I'm telling the truth when I told you I'm going to school/out for schoolwork purposes. "Really uh? Really uh?" You repeated that for so many times. And you claimed, "Mommy trust you so much, you cannot lie to mommy ok?"
HAHAHA what a joke.
You think I don't hope that I can openly tell you who I'm going out with? This holiday had been such a fucking loathesome one. I don't even dare to tell you that I'm going out in fear you'll flare up. I don't know why I'm still bothering about how you feel. But now I don't care whether I'm telling you the truth or not.
You don't respect me, so why should I respect you?
I don't seem to be able to talk to you properly now, everything I want to say I have to think before speaking.
What kind of mother-daughter relationship is this when you even hve to think twice before speaking?

You say I musn't lie to you just because you trust me alot.
Alot?
You should ask yourself if that's a fact or not.

I grew up lying to you
And I wouldn't hesitate to continue.
Because the truth would stir up so much fuss,
I would rather shut them up.
I've had enough of your PMSes, your anguish, your nonsense
You always say, "I'm your mother, no matter what I'm always correct."
Please wake up la bitch
This is the 21st Century for goodness sake.
Who in the right mind would still give a fuck for this kinda reason.

So what if you're my mother?
So what if you gave me life?
I would rather not have it.

In your eyes I'm bound to fail my O Levels.
So why are you still pushing me on?
What a joke.
You're contradicting yourself, bitch.
Fail? Nvm ah
Retain la.
Isn't that what you've been predicting all along?
You think I don't wna do well?
You think I don't wna score As?
You think I don't wna get into my desired instituition/course?
You think I'm not in my right mind, don't you?
Tell you what,
you aren't either.

I love Zubaidah more than I love you,
and when you looked at her with that filthy pair of eyes of yours,
you never considered how she might have felt.
Well, that's you.
I can't deny it. That's your attitude.
Your fucked up attitude.
Who gave you the permission to look down on my friends?
Take a look at yourself,
you ain't any better.
And you might wonder why you've gave birth to a daughter so lousy like me?
It's because
Like mother like daughter.

And I love Prime more than I love you too.
So much more.
He listens, he understands, he cares.
You?
Oh forget it, what a disgrace to mention.

I love you, because you're my mother.
I don't have a choice
The bond is too deep to erase,
much as I hope I can detach myself away from you so I won't have to be affected by your hurtful words,
it's impossible.
Even people who have parents who abandoned them since birth,
who didn't even had a chance to talk to their blood parents,
they too still want to have their parents back.
Mine?
She's so near, yet so far.

You think I'm not obedient enough.
Am I?
You make me have the urge to go on a tattoo spree,
to start exploring the wonders of the fucking stinking cigar,
to have my tongue pierced,
to stay out late immersing myself in alcohol,
to have sex like a random slut and ruining myself.
Maybe the extremes work for you?
I dunno.


Now I can't wait for school to reopen, so I won't have to stay at home.
I hate this place.

Oh my God the teacher is so cute lol.
Ok no link.

Had my tuition at Just Mathematics today, or should I say yesterday since it's already past midnight, and it turned out not bad. Maybe because I've learnt all the sums and formulas before that's why I found it quite manageable. Heh :D And from what I heard, my teacher was supposed to be a female, but it was a man. A young one, and he looks really good. I'm not being man-crazy and drooling over them now, but just praising him for he really have a beautiful shell. As for the insides, I dunno, but from how he teaches and all I guess he's okay.
Don't judge a book by its cover, or whatever you say. Ha :D
Anyway I don't think he'll be still there teaching on the next lesson. And the class was so dead, only 7 of us including me. And there were only 2 girls, including me. Lol even the guys were quiet except for 2 dumb asses sitting beside me who couldn't stop talking.


Caught The Alps at the Omni-Theatre with Jingxuan today. It was pretty good, the scenery and everything. It'll be a bliss if I get to go to Switzerland next time. :) After that, lunched at Macs and we went down to Jurong Spring as JX needed to pass something to some I-dunno girl there and guess who I saw: Wenny and Chialili! *must act excited*
and also Queenie Eugene and Shawn.
Lol
CHEONG JING WEN YOU SEE I MENTIONED YOU!!! but you never mentioned me waliao sadded can. :(
Hahaha

And Chialili haven't ask me out for Hotpot Culture. :(
F you hahaha
We'll be going as a team anyw so yeah. Yay team outing :D



Won't be attending lesson next Friday as I'll be at camp. Sianxzxzxz if the teacher is still teaching my class then I would be sososo glad to attend. Heh :D
A pretty face definitely aids my brain juices into working harder than usual HAHAHA
Just kidding
DREAM ABIT CANNOT HUH lol.

Changed my blog song again cause I found the last one too emo
Sorry James!
I still love your "You Make It Real"! :)



AND PRIME IS COMING BACK THIS SUNDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
although the plane is taking off on Saturday I think.
The time difference is kinda huge
Singapore is 7 hours ahead of Spain -.-
When I eating breakfast he sleeping.
When I sleeping he shopping.
Lol it rhymes!
-.-
Ok I wish for a safe return of you Prime! :D

Oh my God.
Quarantine scared the shit out of me.
Was recounting it with Qisheng during midnight, and I realized my eyes were closed during most part of the movie,
cause all parts QS mentioned, I don't recall at all.
And the movie was full of swears.
"I don't fucking know what's going on"
"What the fuck is happening?"
Lol so funny the whole audience was laughing
And the part where Scott used his video camera and smashed the infected woman to death.
Gosh so damn gruesome, the lens were spilled with blood.


Ah I feel so vulgar today
maybe because I'm gonna have tuition later.
Fuck you math
Urgh.
Sorry.



Ciao.

Ok!
I caught Quarantine with my stepbro yesterday (Wednesday) and seriously, it didn't turn out like what I've thought it to be.
At first, I thought it was some kind of spiritual horror movie, but no...
It was so damn fucking gore.
I'm sorry but there was basically blood everywhere.
Oh my God...
But it was okay, just that the ending was a total disappointment.
Oh well...

It was about this block getting quarantined due to some disease called... 'Rabbis?' I don't know. Can't really recall. I covered my eyes for most of the horrific gore parts, and my stepbro was really brave, he just sat there without even moving! Lol. Nice day spent anyway, although I dragged him along. Had to whine abit in front of him before he said yes. Heh :D It was his first horror movie, and I bet his last. Ha :D



It's been 6 days since Prime went to Spain for his holiday. Somehow I feel so empty, 'cause he would always be by my side when I need somebody, or when I'm not feeling too good. He'll be back this Sunday. And then I can meet him again. Wonder if he got me anything from Spain? Maybe a Spanish hunk? Ha! :D I prefer Brazilians, can play volleyball together lol :D
If this was Kohkoh's entry maybe she'll say "Dream abit don't need money one hor!" HAHA I agree. I love my team! :D


Going out to catch The Alps at the Omni-theatre with Jingxuan tomorrow, or maybe today as it's already past midnight. Ps-ed him several times already, I will keep my promise still. And then I'll be hving tuition at Just Mathematics (*PUKE*) from 6-8pm. Had to entertain my mom and say yes to all the tuitions she've came up with. And I'll be joining the Sec 3 syllabus class, which means everything they'll be teaching will be Sec 3 stuff. I prefer it that way. I don't even hve the basics right, what for go to the Sec 4 class? I'll just embarrass myself so badly. And I don't mind learning the stuff with 14 year-olds. I mean, what's wrong with that, lol. My mom seem to be so worried that I'll be left out and everything. Ha, I'm pretty used to that so I guess I'll be fine. :)
And...
I HATE JUST MATHEMATICS TUITION CENTRE!!!
Big time.



I hope you're doing fine, Prime. :)




Ciao.

Went to SPCA with Prime yesterday. He's in Spain now, I guess. Or at least on the plane maybe. Gonna be back in 9 days. What a lucky chap... :)



Very sadly, Olue wasn't there anymore. :( Supposingly he was adopted, and I hope he has found a better home, and a better life...

Olue

And the photos we took together yesterday

It wasn't painful, 'cause it wasn't my finger. Ha :D

3 under one roof

This agressive kitty tried to attack me

Inside the Cattery

"I'm a cat lover too!" Ha :D

That neh kia

It's a Saturday, and I'm rotting at home. No dates, and I bet my mom is reluctant to let me out. It seems to have been so long since I've donned nice clothes and go downtown with my friends. It's like, so no life now. Stay at home, sleep, eat, watch tv, go to training. Well, at least training is fun.

And staying at home like this somehow just let my thoughts run wild. Those happy times spent together, seems as if it was some decades ago, when in factual it had only happened a mere 2 months ago.

I doubt you remember them anyway.

There were so... minor to you in the first place, weren't they?

Oh, I wonder how Prime is doing.

Ciao.

YAW PEOPLE I'M BACK! :D

Just came back from China.

Took the most number of photos in my lifetime: 352.

And that's exclusive of those I took with my teammates' and Mrs Mok's camera.

Heh heh heh.

Lazy to upload, especially with Blogger's hocked up picture uploader.



It was quite fun actually, the training wasn't as tough as expected.

It was pretty slack actually.

Although I don't think I gained much in skills,

but I certainly gained alot from my team.



To my 'eat microphone grow up one' Wenny:

I still remember when we were in Sec 1, I would ask you out and play badminton near your house, we were closer then. Things had changed much, you have become more cheerful, more loud, more determined in the things you do, and definitely more siao. :D Although your du lan face on court really scares me sometimes, as least it had somehow became a trademark of you, and of course something I'll use to remember you, heh! Stay strong ah wen zi! :D



To my airen Chialili:

Throughout these 3 years in HYVB we were never that close until now. Like Wenny, you're loud and funny and cheerful, love to laugh out loud and you never really cared how others think of you. I admire your I-don't-care character and in recent months I found out we can actually have alot to talk about. You're surrounded by friends most of the time so it's pretty hard to have a one-to-one conversation with you. Although you'd left, you'll always be a part of HYVB Sec 3 Cohort 2008. And not forgetting out Hotpot Culture date, must be as hiao as possible if not when school reopen there'll be no more chances alr. Heh :D



To my fengyan Meifen/Kaiyi:

We weren't very close either, maybe because our character can't click, I dunno, but during this China Trip I really got to know you more. You weren't that kinda person who would come out to me and talk to me, yet during the temple visit you were joking around with me, we were laughing together, and we took group photos together, side by side, and I would always remember your "HA!" when you swung your hands over my shoulders. I do cherish these moments because there are hard to come by. Even a simple "Ni OK ma?" from you do touches my heart. Thank you mui fan, that's what I always called you, if you noticed. :)



To my gaomei Bobo:

The time that really drawn us closer was the Asian Volleyball Boys Competition. You were crazily in love with MS Lee and I were, in CK Lei. We shared our crazy moments, how we talked to them on MSN, screamed in joy when they replied and complained in anger when they ignored us. You used to be very happy and cheerful, doing crazy things and not caring how others see you. Although it's obvious you have something in your heart nowadays and appeared more dull, I just hope you'll cheer up and know that, no matter what happens, we'll stand by you and help you. We're a team! :D



To my roommate 'ja niao' Janelle:

You this hands long legs long girl! Heh. We also got closer during this year. I realized you were quite a high girl despite your decent appearance. Ha! All those crazy times in China when you refused to budge from the TV because of the super-interesting (?) drama serials that you've already watched so many times, the times when you fell asleep while watching TV, the times when we shopped together with hands hooked onto mine. Through these hard-to-come-by times, I understood you so much more than I ever had.


To my Kohkoh Crunch Kohser:


We were from the same primary school, so there wasn't unfamiliarity between us. However, we were in different classes, and we went on with new friends and a new life. Nonetheless, we were back in the same CCA like we did in JPS. :D You're like many of our teammates, loud and happy. You have this happy-go-lucky character that makes the people around you feel that there's nothing in this world that's bad enough to bring down your whole life. Your laughter, like the pulse of our morale, and it just cheers people up. Thank you KohKoh! :D


To my ai mei li Emily:


You're so busy with Council that we hardly see you anymore. The only time I really had a chance to talk to you was during training, and now it's gone. It's been quite some time since I've talked to you, and you know I don't really enjoy turning up for meetings and such... But yeah. I recall the times we played crazy games during training, like butt-slapping (!) with everyone and your occasional hugs. :) Hopefully the Sec 1 OC will bring us closer again.


To my ah meng Hui Ming:


Pink Panther. :) I used to feel closest to you in the team, maybe because we were both quite quiet at times. After you left the team, I felt kinda lost, as if I've lost something close to me. I've pulled through, and to see now you're the VP of the Council, it doesn't really appeal to me 'cause HYVB has always been my first priority, and I know it'll be hard to drag you out of this commitment to the Council ever since then. You'll be too busy; you have Biology, Council, and volleyball might just be too tiring for you. I guess the team understands, and no matter what, you'll always be part of us, part of HYVB. :)





It's been almost 3 years now, and it's our last time playing as a team. My babes in HYVB, let's stick together and give it our best shot, for this is what our 3 years of effort, of hard work, of sweat, of blood, of tears, and of joy, had been for. Don't let it go to waste. I LOVE YOU ALL! :D

Jingwen

Serli


Meifen/Kaiyi



Yingyan

Janelle

Kohser

Emily

Huiming